I wish i had something snappy to say to start this blog off, if i come up with something i will put it on top and they you will see it then this note, so here goes..
I saw Dr yesterday, and it was not good, well it was bad, the chemo did not work, it was an off chance, but it did not work, i just spent 2 month for basically nothing (unless you count drastic hair loss as a positive) but well i had to try, found some nice people, Tu, Kim, Dr. Sender, but all in all, it was a waste.
In talking to the doc yesterday we are going to do another imaging study to see how much of a charge there is from Jan. to now, this will give us a better idea on how fast the cancer is spreading and in what direction, it is worrisome if it does 2 things,
1. moves back near and into the spinal muscle area, that will cause all sorts of havoc with my motor control and if it should invade the spinal canal it can cause all sorts of havoc, well it is a direct path into the brain.
2. moves more to the carotid artery, well that could be fun, as the Doctor said i would have a "spectacular" blow out, i would have no pain, it would be all over in 30 seconds, my words to him were :' that's how i want to go, except be on the 405 freeway, open my window, bleed out and cause the CHP to close down the freeway for hours looking for the sniper"
he gave me such a weird look, Doctor looked over at the person who was with me trying to see if i was kidding and she told him "nope, he is serious" ...lol..my doctor thinks i am strange..go figure..
In talking to the doc yesterday if they operate there is less then a 9% chance of a "meaningful curative outlook" in English, less then a 9% chance of being cured, more then likely since this cancer has been so aggressive he feels that i will get a few months of remission and then it will come back and i will be right back where i started.
for those who have been following this blog, this cancer has been extremely aggressive, i went from no sign on 09/17/2010 to full blown exposure by 10/12/2010 (open decayed and over 4") to a terminal rating on 01/07/2011..what is this leading up to..just this...
I declined the operation, i am stopping chemo they are going to arrange Palliative care for me, and i am going to let nature take it's course.
I am sorry, but to my friends i guess i will be leaving you sooner then i wanted, hopefully sooner then you wanted (if not bite me) but i am not going to take more pain on to myself to gain a couple months, i would rather have a for the next few months some fun, take the summer for what its worth and then let the chips fall where they may.
and so with that i will close out this entry, i will continue posting as i move on this journey (till i can't that is)
and BTW..the bit about the 405 and bleeding out? i am going to put a note in my van (or on me if i am on my motorcycle) explaining this is revenge for all the years i sat stuck in traffic because some "yahoo" was staring at a girl, or some Girl was putting on makeup...revenge is Sweet when they cannot arrest you for it...
later all
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